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[personal profile] realms_of_fiction
Title: Silently
Rate: T
Pairing: Watanuki/Doumeki
Disclaimer: Holic is not mine.
Summary: Watanuki and Doumeki share silence. DouWata, SPOILERS.
posted on 2-22-07



Silently



Doumeki was astonished at how silent Watanuki was. No screaming, no pushing away in denial. He just stood there in the shadows of Yuuko’s exotic garden, shuddering and tense as Doumeki kept kissing him, deeply and searchingly, thirsty for the boy he had craved since time had mattered.

“Ssh, ssh…” whispered the boy who was named after quietness itself, breathing softly between their lips, his hands comforting Watanuki’s frame gently, trying so hard to soothe those tiny shudders away.

Unbalanced and yet nailed to the ground, Watanuki swallowed dryly and closed his eyes, hands fisting Doumeki’s black cloak, cold nose pressed to Doumeki’s nose. He was hyperventilating, frail and stunned, like a fox cornered by hounds in the woods, like something about to die, but Doumeki kept his grip on him, making it more real each time their lips met, their tongues sliding warm on each other, the tree limbs moving slowly in the wind over their heads, the old broom forgotten and lost like a dead snake under Watanuki’s unsteady feet.

He had been sweeping Yuuko’s grounds diligently under the white winter sun, his glasses pure reflection, his pale face bejewelled with a thin layer of sweat. And Doumeki had known deep inside his soul, like he knew everything else, that the time to kiss Watanuki had arrived, the time to indent Watanuki’s body with his own body and cause everything that was already true to become real.

He pulled just a little away and what he saw was those mismatched eyes gazing back at him, fixed with confused desire and full of sorrow. So very scared that wounded fox was, but he knew this time Watanuki was not going to bolt or fight.

Watanuki.

Doumeki took his glasses off with the tip of his gentle fingers, as if they were the wings of butterfly caged between windowpanes. He tucked them safely into his own pocket and held Watanuki’s cheeks protectively with both his hands, feeling each shuddering breath running down his own forearms, watching as those strange eyes tried to blink stinging tears away, clinging to the last drops of dignity. He didn’t allow Watanuki to break that eye contact, he didn’t allow the other boy even that meagre denial. Instead, he moved his lips on Watanuki’s lips once more, making them whole, making them one. And as they kissed, they kept their eyes open.

Doumeki - always the quiet observer - knew that it was Watanuki’s first kiss and that he was heartbroken. And Doumeki knew why. That boy was brave, braver than anybody Doumeki had ever known. But Watanuki had barred his pain with protective lies for too long. Lies of love and hate, of sex and knowledge, of curses and blessings.

Lies about not being special or wanted, about not being worthy anybody’s time or sacrifice.

Not Himawari’s, not Doumeki’s and certainly not his parents’.

Doumeki held him closer, so much closer, trying to kiss all those self-imposed lies away, leaving that strong, stubborn boy painfully bare, vulnerable like something just out of a cocoon. Watanuki held to him desperately, lost, curbing with the weigh of knowledge, the responsibility of knowledge. And when their lips finally parted, Watanuki pressed his face to his coat, staining it with warm tears.

Doumeki held him forever, until his bones ached. Kept him quiet, kept him safe even if just deceptively so. Such a brave boy, such a good boy, never making a sound as his carefully woven illusions were pealed off by loving lips and hands.

That resigned pain raised a lump in Doumeki’s throat as he realised he loved that boy even more. He wished Watanuki's life was not so hard, wished Watanuki's life was just a little more simple. And for once, both boys wished the same thing.

But Doumeki thought Yuuko would be so proud. For everything has an equal and fair price, and Watanuki Kimihiro knew that even for growing up there was a price to be paid.

They held each other under the winter sun, the butterflies of Yuuko’s garden tinting the white sky with metallic blue. Silently, Watanuki sobbed while Doumeki made himself believe everything would be okay.

-----------------------------------------------------

Hi, this is my first fanfic in one thousand years. I hope you liked it.
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